"We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body." (Colossians 1:15-18, The Message)
During my recent vacation from sanity, I had a friend ask me if I wasn’t just decomposing from our trip. She meant decompressing, of course, but the thought of decomposing stuck with me. Synonyms for decomposing include: going to pieces, breaking up, breaking down. Decompression is the “gradual return to conditions of normal pressure.” Was I decomposing or decompressing?
Going on a trip is a break from routine, a relaxation of responsibilities. But when relaxation is found in the familiarity of routines and responsibilities, a vacation can be stressful in unforeseen and insidious ways. Even knowing what I needed to maintain mental health, the different schedule of the vacation precluded being able to include all that I needed within the day. As the vacation continued, I became a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Without the requisite space and privacy to worship alone, without being connected to a community of believers, I slowly “decomposed” into self-destructive thoughts, which led to depression and eventually self-destructive behaviors.
As I returned from vacation, I sought out the much-needed solitude that I had missed. Unfortunately, the decomposition process had gone too far. I was “going to pieces”, and lost myself in the waves of depression and pain. During the next week, I spent most of my time locked in my closet, losing track of the time and of the day. My internal chronometer still feels incorrect from the loss of days that I cannot account for.
But there was something else that I had missed. I needed to reconnect with my community. I needed the support from a loving, faithful, Christ-filled body of believers. Being in communion with others of like minds; souls and goals connected as a singular unit—the bride of Christ. It is a life-giving force that is unexplainable in the natural world. But supernaturally, it is understood. The Body of Christ, the Church, is a singular unit with a singular goal. When we connect, either physically or electronically, our goal should always be to lift up each other, since we are all one bride. When a part of the body is injured or in pain, the natural response of the body is to work on the healing and restoration of that part. Ignoring it or amputating it is not an option.
Healing could not occur until my decomposing self reconnected with the Body. Then healing and decompression could begin. Sharing my pain, allowing others to encourage me, minister to me through scripture and exhortation, pray for me, even sing to me; these were all necessary ingredients for the initiation of my healing. “Decompression” did not occur in an instant; repeated prayers, emails, and time spent together have been pivotal as I move back towards mental health. Living a life in community is more than just a casual relationship with limited knowledge about each other. It is sharing the dirty, ugly parts and experiencing the unconditional love of Christ in physical form as we allow ourselves to be vessels to be spirit-filled and poured out to fulfill the needs of others.
Having experienced the love of true community, my response and desire is to reciprocate. I want to know more about these people who have loved me so thoroughly. I want to give to them, pray for them, and express our Father’s love for them to them. I want to learn how to love more like my Father loves me.
*Finally, the author, her husband and the publisher want to suggest that you prayerfully listen and watch Jars of Clay, "Shelter", which resonates with this post, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoDmFQWOL4Y
*Again, the author would be happy to receive your comments and questions and to respond privately. Please submit these to Jeff.gtre@gmail.com and they will passed to her.
As the author of this piece, I request the publisher remove it immediately from his website. The publisher, Jeff Williams, is a manipulative and abusive man who has no place in the world of mental health.
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